I'm Such a Geek

SQL hell:
SELECT *
FROM dbo.InnerCritic
WHERE ReflectiveThought = TRUE

Anyone want the translation?

English hell:
SELECT * means select everything
FROM dbo.InnerCritic means from my head (AKA dbo.) inner critic (pretty self-descriptive name there)
WHERE ReflectiveThought = TRUE means where ever my self-esteem raises it's cute little head, inner critic has every right to go after said self-esteem with both barrels. (What can I say, I like action.)

Knit ugly lime green hat for Mom. Make it larger than the ones I've been making for my dad. Because that's what she asked for and any good business owner listens to their customer base. Finish said hat, and show it to loving husband Grilltech. Who will make an innocent statement, I will warp and twist it into something dark.

"Yea, but that's HUGE."

Look at offending hat. "She did say, she wanted them larger than the normal ones I've been making her."

Here's where the logic goes south. Yes, it is big, but that's what she wanted. But if it's too big it won't sell. But it's BIG. The recursion of the internal conversation was wait for it, EPIC. Finally start ripping back on the ugly hat.

Decide on Friday - and I've been cleaning, CLEANING!! because my hobby is starting to not be fun - maybe I should call Mom and see if it's really too big.

Turns out she'll take the hat both HUGE and UGLY. I've already ripped back. It's now time to pick up those loose stitches and knit them. Because I didn't ask first.

I'm glad Friday's over and the weekend has begun.

7 comments:

Louiz said...

I'm such a geek. I was deciphering that as I read it...

Roxie said...

I have a couple of oversize hats for days when my hair is fluffy and a snug hat would crush it. Hat hair is only amusing when someone else wears it.

Mobilize a squad of Amazon Gurkhas to cut that inner critic down to size.

Amy Lane said...

Dude-- it's so good of you to turn that into Geek dialog. I just take those conversations, silence them with ice cream, and turn them into fat.

Donna Lee said...

I'm with Amy, bring on the ice cream.

I hate hats that fit tightly. They always make my head itch. I'm not sure about the lime green, though.

Galad said...

Ditto on the ice cream!

I firmly believe any hobby, no matter how poorly it is going, is a reason to clean!

Red said...

"Finish said hat, and show it to loving husband Grilltech. Who will make an innocent statement, I will warp and twist it into something dark."

Ah, yes, married life. :)

Megan said...

I think in code too. It's starting to get pretty scary.